Slow down. Think for Yourself. Turn the media onslaught off!  Guaranteed if you open a major website like MSN you will find a story about the royal family – every day and with nothing to say, just blah blah.  Guaranteed if you go to a pop culture or lifestyle website or TV show like ET you will find endless stories of celebrities, mostly bad relationships and an array of basically useless information. Here is a random example of a “who cares” story that bombards us endlessly.

Slow down and turn the crap off.  Websites, Movies, Reality TV and really all sorts of media outlets, websites and magazines exert a big influence on our lives – if we let them.  It is kind of weird actually – it almost seems they want us to believe a certain way or even we must…! It is a bit scary.

Take control of your life and you’ll successfully avoid bad situations or bad friends.

Yet, we are what we eat! That goes for media consumption too. So, when it comes to the most important things in life, are we creating down time to reflect and even pray about what is really, truly good for the long term. For example, relationships are a big part of pop culture news. Who is with who. Who cheated on who etc. Should we really get involved and flood our senses with this stuff? It is really sort of misleading and depressing. We have a higher calling.

Be strong and think for yourself.

Never be that consumer who consumes whatever is put in front of you. Group think and being “up to speed” on things is not important for the big picture. What is important is finding values and truths for a long-term and successful life and good relationships.

Besides who needs the mass media endlessly telling me what I should like?! I know what is best for me and it isn’t pointless stories, the next best trinket etc. Everyone eventually must find something more, deeper.  This exercise of searching for meaning and truth and lasting values is the best way to avoid bad situations. So stop, turn off media, think, avoid bad situations and find happiness.

Knowing yourself is more than half the battle.  It will help you know more about your relationship attachment style – key to happy living.

The ancient Greeks came to realize that before you can successfully engage the world, a sense of self and what makes you tick is key to future happiness. “Know thyself”.

Before engaging in any relationship this is good advice!

How do you see yourself before others, friends, acquaintances and those of the opposite sex.

For the Greeks, “know thyself” was an admonition to know your place before the gods so as not to presume too much.  It was also a way to take on too much; “how can I know other things before I know what I am about”.

It should give us pause then to analyze what our motivations and goals are.  What do I want in life – even before I enter into a close relationship?  Is this relationship and becoming close, even intimate, correspond to what my goals are, who I am?

Importantly, how do I attach myself to things and other people and why? My past has clues as to how you cling to things and others.  Men are different from women in why they form relationships.

So how do I attach to people and why?  Is it ok to try and fill a void without thinking of these things?

With this mature approach to life, sexual relationships can be put in a better context.  A calm reflection will help each to see that sex is really a long-term type of commitment, not to be taken lightly.

Read more here.

I know many people who are adult children of divorce and refuse to have children. One of the most common excuses is “My parents’ divorce caused a lot of heartache and I don’t want to risk putting my own children through the same thing”. It’s as if they are expecting their own marriages to fail because their parents’ did.

I can see why this would be a fear, but your parents’ failures do not have to be yours. My parents divorced when my brother and I were young and it caused unimaginable pain. In fact, it still does. This experience made me decide that I never wanted to cause my own family this pain. I wanted to prove to myself, and to others, that I can be better than my parents. To this day, after having five children, I don’t regret this decision.

I will be honest: the pain I felt from my parents’ divorce has affected the way I parent, some good and some not so good. I work hard every day to be better. But my kids are happy. My wife and I are happy. My brother and his family are happy. I can’t ever imagine not having my children. To be honest, I don’t think my life would be as fulfilling if I never had kids.

If you are pregnant and considering abortion because you are worried your marriage may fail, you are not alone. The pain and wounds you may still carry from your parents’ divorce does not have to etch your fate into stone. You are stronger than the past. Think of the challenges you have overcome, and the challenges we see people overcome all over the world. The human spirit is strong and meant to conquer all fears.

Abortion is only a temporary solution. The end result always come back to haunt you. If you are still set on not having children in your marriage, then consider adoption. There are married couples everywhere who cannot have their own kids, and would do anything to adopt your unborn child. Give someone else the opportunity to fulfill their dreams. Visit a free pregnancy resource center or clinic to find out what your options are!

The loss of a child is tragic and difficult, including the loss by abortion. A woman doesn’t truly know what she will experience after the loss and doing it alone is the last thing you should do. You may have had an abortion thinking it would solve your problems and help you move on, only to find that you have feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. Your body’s hormones may be out of sorts and uncontrollable due to your pregnancy ending unnaturally.  Some may tell you that this will pass, and they aren’t wrong. However, will you truly heal the way you want?

There are resources available to you and to other women who are suffering the loss of a child through abortion. Places like Hope After Abortion , Surrendering the Secret, and By Your Side LA are just a few of the resources out there. By Your Side LA will provide you with someone you can to listen to your story and find the resources you need to heal and move on peacefully. You will also learn from women who have experienced having abortions and suffered through the grieving process as well.  You will find that there is hope at the end of it. You can learn to forgive yourself and learn to look at life in a new way.

Don’t try and sweep this under the rug and deny the pain you are feeling. Even if you put on a game face and can show the world you are fine, eventually the truth finds a way to surface. Bring yourself to a pregnancy resource in your area and visit one of the websites above. You will find peace and healing.

Sometimes life feels like weights on your back… right? You’re wondering which path to follow, what would be the right decision, where the answers to your questions are, and why it seems like someone turned off your light. If only you could find the switch to turn it on again…

This is the moment to take a deep breath and start living one day at a time. While being stuck in the past will lead you into depression, and obsessing about the future will bring you anxiety, focusing on the present moment will keep your peace and hope.

There is nothing you can change or solve about neither your past nor your future.  But your present is here for you to take one little baby step at a time. You can be happy TODAY. You can take the right decision TODAY. You can find the answer that you need TODAY.  And we are here to help you strive with it.

Do not worry about tomorrow. Do not worry about yesterday. Just do what needs to be done today, and allow yourself to be healed of your past, and to be surprised by what will happen tomorrow, when the sun will rise again in its entire splendor. I promise you it will happen, if you only make the decision to allow the sun to be bright again in your life.

First off, let me welcome you to this page and say that you have come to the right place for help and resources.  Secondly, we will not judge you or make you feel ashamed for being pregnant. You are not alone in dealing with your unexpected pregnancy and these resource centers can assist you.

If you are like many of the women who are seeking our resources, you may be feeling a great deal of shame. Maybe you are ashamed about the circumstances of your getting pregnant, or ashamed that you already have children and you are afraid about what others might think.  Do these thoughts sound familiar?

“What will my boss and coworkers think? I’m up for a new promotion.”

“My husband is going to flip when I tell him I’m pregnant again.”

“My parents are going to disown me.”

If you look up the definition of “shame” you’ll read, “a: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety; b: the susceptibility to such emotion”; a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute”. (Merriam-Webster, 2017). If you can relate to these words, what is really causing you to feel guilty or disgraceful? Is it your friends and family who have condemned you for getting pregnant outside of marriage? Or are you afraid of what people will think if you have another child after having a few at home already? Whatever it is, I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. But let me tell you this: these people do not control you, nor do they know what is best for you and your child. Only you know this. Imagine what life would be like if we made important life decisions based on what others want for us, instead of what WE want for ourselves? I don’t know about you, but I would probably feel a lot of regret and would wonder, “What if I had chosen differently?”

Now, you may be wondering, “What do you know about my situation? How are you any different than the other people in my life?” Well, I have witnessed several women handle unplanned pregnancies and I can tell you there are more options available to you other than getting an abortion. You can still have your baby and finish school, move up in your career, or provide for the rest of your family. The pregnancy resource centers are full of caring people who know what it’s like to be in your situation and can help you plan your future in a healthy and productive way. Shame is a strong force that blinds the truth. Allow yourself to make an informed decision with the information provided by people who are looking out for your best interest, as well as your baby’s. You’d be surprised at how empowering it feels to have faith in yourself and reap the benefits.

Uncertainty. Shame. Disappointment. Fear. Do these words sound familiar? They are just a few of the emotions and feelings you may be experiencing after finding out you are pregnant. This is a difficult time and you are not alone in feeling like you are in the middle of a crisis. On the one hand, you may be thinking you have no choice but to get an abortion because of the effect it will have on your life and because you are worried about what others may think. While on the other hand, you may want to keep your baby but are afraid to tell the father, your family, or coworkers. Either way, you must be feeling immense pressure.

Take a deep breath and just pause. Allow your mind to slow its thoughts and focus on your breathing. Now, let’s talk about the first step—communication. Having someone to talk to during a crisis will help you keep a level head and keep your grounded. Find someone you trust who can offer sound advice and help you selflessly. Talk about your thoughts and feelings, and be honest. Your support person should be someone who can listen to you without judgement. If you don’t have someone like this in your life, or you just cannot bring yourself to talk to them, then visit one the many centers and clinics whose mission is to provide you with the help you need. Here, you will find caring and friendly people who want the best for you and have the resources to help guide you through your journey.

Communication can bring freedom from the turmoil you feel inside and the strength to keep moving forward. When you knock, doors will be opened to you, and you will find grace and beauty at the end of your journey.

So you just found out you are pregnant and you are keeping the baby. Awesome, and congratulations! The only drawback is that the father is someone you do not really know and you are unsure whether he is capable of being a father.  This is a tricky situation, but don’t be quick to take him out of the equation just yet.  For starters, if you haven’t already, you need to tell him that you are pregnant.  It is understandable if you made a mistake with this guy and you don’t want him in your life, let alone tell him that he is the father of your child. But he has a right to know that he is a father and he should be given the opportunity to reevaluate his life.  After all, that is his flesh and blood growing in your womb. Meet with him over coffee and give him the news.  If you are unsure about how to approach him, ask us to connect you with a resource center that can help you with coming up with the right words to say. We’d love to help!

If after you share the news and he says he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you or the baby, or demands you get an abortion, that’s okay. Stand firm in your decision to keep your baby and tell him that you are willing to give him time to process this news.  He may think it over and realize he wants to help.  In the meantime, visit your local pregnancy resource center and speak with a counselor who can help you plan for the next step.  Now, if he says he wants to stay in the picture—great! That’s awesome that he wants to step up to the plate and be a man! Now is the time to be honest with him about your reservations and give him a chance to address them. If he has a lot of things to do in order to gain your trust and confidence (i.e., getting a stable job, sobering up, correcting irresponsible behavior), then clearly communicate these things to him.  If he wants to get married or move in together and you don’t, then tell him.  Most men need women to be brutally honest with them to know exactly where they stand.  Beating around the bush will only make things worse down the road.  I have personally seen the least likely men completely turn themselves around when faced with similar situations such as yours. Becoming a new father brings out the best in men, especially when they tap into their natural instinct to protect and serve their families. Despite your fears, be open to letting your child’s father enter your life to support you on this new journey.  Children need their fathers in their lives and depriving them of the chance for this will only hurt them in the long run.  Don’t give up on your child’s father just yet.  Bring him to one of the local pregnancy resource centers where a counselor can educate him and help him grow into the man you and your child need.

Oh boy. You just found out you’re pregnant, but this time you’re not jumping for joy. Why? Because you already have young kids who suck the life out of you, and you and your husband are barely making ends meet. Or, you are at the top of your game at work and the only direction you are heading is up…until now. Not to mention what your friends are going say when they find out you’re pregnant again! You just can’t do this right now, right?

Wrong. You can! Do you know why? Because you are a woman, and women are strong! You have overcome many diverse situations and have adapted to different environments. Don’t let fear and the thought of what others may think blindside you into selling yourself short of what you can achieve in your wonderful life. A friend of mine and his wife just had twin girls, with five kids already at home! Crazy, right? When they found out they were pregnant, they were nervous. But when they found out they were having twins—they nearly passed out.  Talk about a fear of the unknown! Let me tell you, though—they are doing great. Yes, life at home is chaotic at times, but they love it. They have a ton of support from friends and family, but most importantly they have each other. They work as a team and get things done. Their others kids love the twins and help out as much as they can.

If you feel like you don’t have the support needed to get through another pregnancy and having another child at home, please visit a pregnancy resource center in your area. The caring staff are ready to help you through this next adventure. You have more than one option available to you during this time in your life. Can you imagine life without one of the children you already have at home? Won’t you feel the same way after your next child is born? Who knows, maybe this will be the kid who says no when the other siblings want to put you in a rest home later.

Becoming a father for the first time is an adventure. There are few things in life that are both exciting and scary at the same time, and fatherhood is no exception.  When I look back to when I became a father for the first time, there are many things I wish I had done differently. Parenting is an evolving craft and as time goes on you learn that there are always room to improve. Fathers, in particular, play a very important role in parenting and have a large impact on their children’s livelihood. For that reason, I came up with the following advice to help you along your journey.

  • DO: Ask your wife what she needs help with. Your wife will be exhausted after getting home from the hospital, and she may be up all night feeding the baby. She is going to need help with something, even if it’s getting a chore done around the house. Ask her what she wants or needs, and find out how you can help her with the baby. Little things go a long way for a sleep-deprived momma. Be her knight in shining armor!
  • DON’T: Complain. Seriously. Don’t even think about complaining about how tired you may be or about how much time your wife is spending with the baby. Your wife just endured hours of intense labor and is constantly feeding the baby. Do you think she likes to have a tiny human constantly attached to her chest (she does, to a certain extent), or to hardly get more than a couple hours of sleep at a time? Oh, you have a kink in your neck? That’s cute. Try pushing a human being through your body and see how your neck feels then. Trust me, any whining will not be well-received from your other half.
  • DO: Give massages. I learned that my wife has a lot of aches and pains after giving birth, and they get worse after sitting or lying in the same position while feeding the baby all day and night. Foot massages and shoulder rubs help relieve the pain and pressure, and they can be done while you’re both in bed or watching T.V. on the couch. Don’t wait for her to ask, just do it. These small gestures show that you are thinking about your other half and can help strengthen your bond. Now, don’t go into this thinking you’ll get a little something-something in return. Do it because you love her and want her to feel good. If you get something in return, then that’s just an added bonus, but it should never be your main objective.
  • DO: Make sure your wife gets plenty of rest. She will need time to heal and gain her strength back after the delivery, so do your part in helping her relax. Offer to take the baby out of the room so she can get a nap in. If she is breastfeeding the baby, have her pump so you will have a couple bottles to feed the baby with while your wife is resting. This one-on-one time with your baby is very important and it will improve your confidence in caring for the little one. It will also improve the bond you have with your child as well.
  • DON’T: Leave your other half alone all the time. You may be tempted to go out about your business as usual, but what you have to remember is that your family dynamic has changed. You can’t just go out with your buddies anytime you please, or take your wife to the movies like you used to. You have to account for the new baby and possibly for the fact that your wife has to stay on bedrest until she is fully healed. If your wife is taking time off of work for a while, or has decided to be a stay-at-home mom, she may begin to feel stir crazy. Your wife may feel even lonelier after you go back to work.  If your other half is like mine, she may not come forward and say she’s going stir crazy because she doesn’t want you to feel like she’s complaining. So make sure you are spending quality time with your wife, even if it’s curled up on the couch watching her favorite movie. Take her and the baby out, and offer to take the baby for a few hours so your wife can go out with her friends.
  • DO: Show your appreciation. Your wife is working hard caring for your little one and her new life as a mother will be filled with self-sacrifice and dedication. Share how much you appreciate how she takes care of your little family and how proud you are of the mother and wife she has become. Any hard-working person likes to hear how much they are appreciated, especially mothers. Their vocation is a selfless one and their families tend to forget how much they rely on the mother and wife. Make sure your wife knows how much you love her and how much you appreciate everything she does for you and your child.

I hope you found these tips helpful. If you need more information, please feel free to visit a pregnancy resource center near you!