Fear of having multiple children

Growing up I always said I wanted 4 children. I loved the idea of having a big family and the kids always having someone to play with and have their backs. Then my husband and I were blessed with our little girl and my tune changed. The sleepless nights, guessing games of what’s wrong, fear of breaking her and my milk never coming in all led to severe postpartum anxiety.

All of these factors combined were enough to make me not want a second child. I would have random moments of “yes I want another kid” shortly followed by “nope I’m good with the one”. She is 2 1/2, eats everything, sleeps all night, still naps, is talking and understanding much more and can entertain herself for some of the day. It is so much easier now, so why would I want to go through the newborn stage all over again. Not only that but I worry about not spending enough time with her if we were to have another baby. But all that aside, watching her grow has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

Now that she is older we have been talking a lot more about having another child. Despite all the worries and not looking forward to sleepless nights I want her to have a sibling. My sister is my best friend and my brothers and I are all very close too. They are the people I turn to when I need something or am hurting. I want our daughter to have that too. I want her to have someone she can always count on, especially after we are gone. Not only that but the joy of having a child is something I cannot explain. Don’t get me wrong, it is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is also the most rewarding. Having that little kid smile and run to you for a hug or hearing her laugh makes all the hard times more than worth it. She is my buddy and I cannot imagine life without her.

It is the little moments that make me want to do it all again. I also feel I can make an impact on this world by having kids. Raising them up with good morals and values will maybe lead them to change the world for the better some day. So having more than one child will be challenging I am sure of it, but I also know that it will be more than worth it knowing how much love and joy I have for and get from my little girl.

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