Single Mom 101

You just found out you’re pregnant, or when you did, your relationship with your child’s father was less than ideal. This can bring up many emotions, few of which may feel positive. However, being prepared can shift this situation from something scary to something you feel confident handling—and even excited about.

A support system is one that can help you financially, emotionally, and socially. People, regardless of age, have needs. As mothers, we often put our children’s needs first while neglecting our own—don’t do that. You deserve to feel supported, and having support allows you to better care for your child as well.

Financially, parenting can quickly become overwhelming. Uncertainty about handling expenses can lead to stress, which may reduce patience while parenting. Each parent should contribute to the well-being of their child, though this support does not always need to be split evenly. Financial support can take many forms depending on each parent’s situation.

Sometimes, single mothers may find there is no support from the child’s father. While this can feel like a significant hurdle, it is still only a hurdle. There are ways to move forward and provide for your child, even without the father’s support.

There are also housing options and most often you are able to find these options by searching online or through a local library. Pregnancy Resource Centers can also lead you in the right direction even if they do not have the resources available themselves. Although finances are important emotional and social support are a huge part of your support system. To be supported emotionally and socially means connecting with others that may be in similar situations as yourself or those who have gone through something similar. When I was a single parent I often met up with my friend who also had a child the same age as mine. It was refreshing to connect and reflect on our journeys together. Play groups at local libraries or churches are great ways to connect with mothers if you do not currently have mom friends. I also leaned on the wisdom of my grandmother. Having raised children herself, she was a great reminder that some days are harder than others but there is truly joy that lasts a lifetime by being a mother.

Dating can be difficult when you’re a mother. As a single parent, your home is likely child-centric, meaning the most important relationship is the one with you and your child. This is wonderful, but when dating, you will also need to balance a relationship that fits into this dynamic. In a traditional family, both parents love and cherish their child while also nurturing their relationship with each other. Both relationships are important for a healthy family life. Introducing a new relationship may seem tricky, but when approached gently, it can be managed successfully.

Do not immediately introduce your child to a new relationship Why hold off introductions? There are a few reasons. Dating is much like trial and error. You may believe a relationship is going well only to find out he displays a non negotiable trait or value that will not result in a fulfilling or perhaps even healthy relationship. Introducing your child to someone, potentially getting them attached to this new person and then breaking things off can be confusing to them.

The next reason is if you do not know this person well enough then it could be a potentially dangerous situation for your child. Again, your romantic relationship could be one that lasts a lifetime and it is very important to cherish that. However, while dating your relationship with your child is most important in that moment as they rely on you for their well-being.

The last reason to hold off on introductions is so that this person gets to know you first. Yes, your child is very much a part of you, but you are also a separate person. Children, although a huge part of our lives, do not live with us forever. A spouse, on the other hand—if it is a lasting relationship—is someone we will spend most of our time with, sharing intimate details of our lives reserved for no one else. Therefore, ensuring this person is the right match is vital for your future and your family’s future. It’s okay to be picky, and it’s okay to be direct while dating.

One of the worst pieces of dating advice I hear is, “You’re being too picky and need to lower your standards.” Single parent dating is more than just finding a match for yourself—it’s also about finding a potential step-parent for your child. With that in mind, it’s okay to be direct while dating. If something could cause an issue for your child or yourself, you can let the other person know why it bothers you, as long as you are respectful when doing so.

If they respond in a way that is alarming, you’ve quickly determined that this may not be a relationship worth continuing. The best advice I’ve heard for single parent dating is this: Ask yourself, Would I want my child to be in this relationship? If the answer is no, it may be time to reevaluate.

You deserve a respectful, loving relationship, and your child deserves to see one modeled for them as well. The biggest teacher for children regarding relationships is the example their parents set. If a mother is in an abusive relationship, a child may come to see that behavior as acceptable.

Finding a support system in single parenting is the first step in being prepared in your journey. If you are pregnant and unsure what to do because you feel unsupported please reach out to us by calling the helpline or chatting at the bottom of the screen. We are here to help you.