Living together before marriage: pros and cons

In today’s world, it has become increasingly common for couples to move in together before marriage, let alone being engaged. But how do you know if this is the right decision for you and your significant other? Before weighing the pros and cons of this decision, you want to make sure you are both on the same page with your intentions—that you see your relationship as serious and long-term, and that you both want to get married one day.

So, if you are in agreement about marriage, what are considered the “good” and “bad” aspects of living together? One positive is that you’ll save money. Most couples who are serious spend a lot of time at one another’s homes, so instead of paying double the bills, why not live together to reduce costs? This is a definite pro to moving in with your partner, but it’s important to make sure you don’t go overboard with the extra cash flow and instead save for your future.

Another positive to living with one another prior to marriage is fewer surprises. When you have two separate houses you can have your own space and have things the way you want them. When you live with another person you have to deal with their habits; good or bad. So living with your significant other prior to marriage will allow you to see what habits you find endearing and/or annoying before making the trip down the aisle.

A final pro is it could help strengthen your relationship. Again when you have your own house you can leave if things get hard or a conflict arises. But when you live together you are forced to deal with the situation at hand and talk about it. Being forced to have those difficult conversations can help a couple’s communication and bond on multiple levels prior to marriage.

What are some of the negatives to living with one other prior to marriage? The first and probably biggest issue is others opinions of the matter. Some family and friends may disagree with living together prior to marriage, especially those with religious backgrounds. You want to discuss this issue with your partner if you feel it could cause problems in your relationship with one another or with those family and friends who disapprove.

Another con is that if you don’t have a good support system, it could cause issues in your relationship. If your family and friends disapprove of you living with your significant other, it could cause tension in those relationships, which may then lead to conflict in your relationship at home. You’ll want to make sure your support system is strong prior to moving in.

A final con is finances. Sure, you’re saving money by getting rid of one mortgage and one set of bills, but now you have to consider your partner when spending. Even if you have separate bank accounts, you still want to discuss how bills will be paid and how big purchases will be handled. What you may consider a big purchase, your significant other may not, so being on the same page financially is important to avoid future problems.

This list includes just a few of the main things to consider prior to living with someone before marriage. You may want to look more in depth at these factors if you’re really struggling with the decision. As someone who lived with her spouse prior to marriage, I can tell you it is different after marriage. You look at things—and at each other—differently once you are spouses. Marriage is often reduced to “just a piece of paper,” yet it is actually much more than that. It is a commitment to another person that exists on a whole different level than dating. That commitment can lead to a sense of security that is not always present when you are only “in a relationship” with someone.