Handling unwanted advice when you are pregnant

There is a lot to celebrate when you are pregnant. A wonderful, life-changing event awaits you, and many want to share your joy. Some, however, may not have the best intentions. Either way, setting clear boundaries will help lower your stress level and allow you to focus on what matters most: you and your baby.

This is the easiest to handle, as it truly is not a stranger’s place to give advice, even if it is well-meaning. The best way to handle advice or unwanted comments from strangers or acquaintances is with a simple, direct response. Depending on the advice or comment, you can say, “No, thank you” or “I appreciate your concern,” and then continue on your way.

Medical professionals are qualified and capable of giving sound advice. That said, it is always okay to get a second opinion if something does not feel quite right. You can also ask your doctor or medical professional if there is a different option than what they suggest. It is important to remember that you know your body well. If your intuition tells you something is off, investigate it. Ask for a different option or seek a second or even third opinion.

The grand finale of pregnancy is labor and delivery. Having a clear birth plan ahead of time is important. You can find simple birth plans online (natural birth, water birth, epidural, etc.), or create a more detailed one that includes preferences like a specific playlist during labor. Many medical offices provide a birth plan form upon request. Your doctor should be aware of your birth plan, and if they are unwilling to accommodate certain requests, it is reasonable to ask why or if there is a compromise available.

Unwanted advice from family and friends is different from advice given by strangers. Interactions with strangers are usually one-time occurrences, while advice from loved ones often comes from a place of good intentions. This can make situations more awkward, as you may not want to hurt their feelings. However, setting boundaries early is important to prevent ongoing unwanted advice and potential strain on your relationships.

One simple response is: “That’s great that it worked well for you, but what I’m doing is working well for me.”

Your baby’s father’s opinion should be considered. If you are uncomfortable with something he suggests, it is okay to talk openly about why you disagree. Sometimes, his advice may be worth considering. For example, I was very set on having a home birth, but my husband was uncomfortable with the idea. He shared his concerns and explained why he felt a hospital birth was safer. We compromised—I chose not to have an epidural but gave birth in the hospital. In the end, I was happy with our decision.

However, if your partner is suggesting something harmful, please reach out to someone you trust or call our helpline at the top of the page. You can also use the chat box at the bottom of the page.

You are the ultimate decision-maker when it comes to what is best for you and your baby. If you need resources or support during your pregnancy, please call our helpline. We are here to help you.